Time to get a little personal. I want to talk about goals tonight. Understanding why we choose to do something is just as important as setting up a plan of attack to reach our goals. Do you have goals right now? Are they to get healthy? To get stronger? To get faster? Stop for a second, you, whoever you are reading this (thanks for reading by the way!) and ask yourself why this is something you want. What is motivating you to reach this goal? Be really truly honest with yourself.
You’ve heard me say it before and I will say it over and over again, it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with endometriosis that I truly started focusing on getting healthy. It wasn’t that I thought I was healthy before. It just didn’t matter as much then as it did now. Some people have gone so far as to call me “lucky” for being diagnosed. I have to fight myself from punching these people. But in a way it’s true. My motivation changed when I realized the answer to the pain I had been experiencing MIGHT be partially in my control. After my first surgery, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to take care of my body in the hopes that I wouldn’t have to have another surgery too soon.
Before my surgery I talked options with my doctor. She said there was very little that could be done to help my symptoms, which at this time were becoming largely debilitating. Chronic back and leg pain, mind numbing cramps, ruptured cysts and highly inflamed digestive tracts just to name a few. She said the best option for me post op would be to begin medication which would cause me to start early onset menopause. Yea, Im pretty certain your face looks something like mine did when I first heard that. Imagine being 24 years old in a doctors office being told that is really your only option. We also discussed a hysterectomy. This all seemed way to drastic and of course was not anything to be taken lightly. So I spent the next couple months researching my disease and reading anything I could get my hands on.
Almost everything I found was too confusing or of no help at all. But then I found an article that discussed several women’s success changing their diet. It seemed too simple when compared to menopause and hysterectomy’s. The more and more I read, the more it made sense. While not much is known about what causes the disease, there is no doubt that a large amount of symptoms are affected by fluctuation in hormones. So of course the smart thing to do is balance these hormones as best as possible.
I could go on and on forever about this topic but I’ll cut to the chase. This was the beginning of my focus on nutrition. Looking back now I realize that what I thought was a healthy life was very very very unhealthy. The first thing I cut out was soy, dairy and any meat that was not labeled “hormone free”. This was a huge struggle for me. Let me tell you! I felt like the whole world was against me. I had to change by habits and that was not easy. I felt very alone in my struggle and had no idea if it was really going to work. I was wandering in uncharted territory and I’m a control freak so that didn’t mix well. In time I felt comfortable with these changes and integrated more. By May I decided it was time to do a 30 day clean eating challenge. This was when it all changed.
Now nearly two years later I am shocked by how much my goals have changed. By the things my body can do and how strong I have become. I still have a lot of days I feel discouraged. When I’m not seeing results fast enough or my time hasn’t increased like I want it to. But then I remember where I started and where I’m going and it helps me put things in perspective.
I came to terms a long time ago with the fact that I was never going to be thin. Ive got big hips and thunder thighs and very broad shoulders. Such a build does not a skinny girl make. But a boss girl. Now that I can be. Have you seem the boss girls. SOOO MUCH MUSCLE! I’m not there yet but I like to think of myself as a boss girl in the making. Not one of those ones posting the slutty skanky pictures but the one fully clothed mid squat with the tight core and thunder thighs that you can see through spandex! That’s my goal. Those girls aren’t skinny, they’re strong. Stronger than a lot of men. And they worked for every ounce of that muscle.
I’ve got some mighty goals right now and they are just for me. I don’t want to be that skinny girl anymore. I want to be strong. Every ounce of muscle lately makes me prouder and prouder. I fought for that. Fought hard. Its rewarding in a way I have never experienced. Its something no one can take from me. No one can tell me it doesn’t exist or alter its significance because its mine. And I love that.
I’ve always carried my weight a little heavier than the rest of my family and in my younger years this was a huge insecurity for me. Now that Im getting older I take pride in my strong athletic body and Im doing everything I can to nourish it properly. I eat and eat and eat. Man do I love to eat. But I eat now to fuel and to help me reach my goals. And knowing what my goals are, is what keeps me focused.