It started early Monday morning. 530 am, not even a mile in to my run I felt suffocated by my own lungs. What should have been a very successful 5 mile run turned out to be a taxing 4 miles while I struggled to breathe. It made absolutely no sense to me. Since I quit smoking 5 months ago my lungs have slowly but steadily improved making my runs that inch more enjoyable. When I reached my apartment I stretched and found a comfortable breathe again praying my struggle hasn’t been the beginning of an anxiety filled week.
Ever since I can remember I’ve struggled with anxiety issues. Over the past 6 years I’ve learned to take care of myself and monitor my symptoms and behaviors to ward off panic attacks but sometimes, like this week, they feel unstoppable. I have very little reason to be anxious. In fact, I’ve had an extremely productive and inspiring week. But that’s quite possibly the worst part of my anxiety, it’s ability to undermine any relevant happiness or joy I’m experiencing.
As the week progressed my runs got worse and by last night I struggled to breathe even while sitting still. Simple tasks like getting my purse out of the car made me anxious. As I fumbled with the strap caught on the seatbelt my heart rate quickens and I lose all ability to breathe normally. In fact I’ve taken very few full breathes since this morning. Trying everything from increased exercise to edition to simple breathing exercises, I’m now at a loss. Feeling borderline panic attack for absolutely no reason. Terrifying. It’s been about a year since this last happened and most days I thank heaven it doesn’t happen more often but I don’t know what to do. So I thought perhaps writing might help. Seeing as I’ve entirely neglected this blog for the past month, this might be a win/win??? I promise to write more positive things this weekend…. For now I’m going to go back to breathing….. Or maybe make some paleo berry pie!?!?!