The Dark Side

Anyone with endometriosis can tell you that the disease is more confusing than it is anything else. There are days when the mental repercussions are far more debilitating than the physical. (And depending on your symptoms, the physical are quite debilitating). Sometimes this is due to what I like to refer to as “woe is me” syndrome. An inability to move past the what-ifs and day dreams about what living a “normal” life would be like. That sort of mental state makes living with the disease exhausting.

Other times, it’s simply an extreme influx of hormones. Because having physical disabilities isn’t bad enough, us lucky endo ladies get to enjoy the perks of abnormally increased hormone production on top of it all. This is probably the symptom I personally hate the most. The physical symptoms are atrocious, don’t get me wrong. But they can be explained and in most cases understood by others. What I struggle to explain to away are the moments when I am seemingly fine, in the middle of a work day and suddenly I’m fighting back tears over nothing at all. Quivering lip and all. Like a 13 year old puberty ridden girl trapped in a grown up’s body, I become ashamed. That was me last week. I broke in to tears no less than 3 times at my desk over nothing at all in one day. I’m was exhausted for days because of taxing emotions.

How are we supposed to be successful career women with this disease? I am learning to command respect in other ways but often I wonder how far I will go in my career with what is considered a visible weakness often peaking through.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s